"And with a girl as sweet as you, there is not much I cannot do, But for fall for you"-Never Shout Never, Hummingbird
Ok, so you know when I wrote that blog and said that me and Alix broke up and that I won't be typing any more blogs about me and Alix? well I lied and I know Alix doesn't read my blogs so I am saying this without fear.
I am falling in love with her. Well I am in love with Alix. DAMMIT. I can't she is my friends. But it's like I feel so happy and so complete feeling when she is around me. I don't know what has happened with my emotions. I am suppose to surpress these wants and needs to admitt that YES! I do have feelings for Alix still. A LOT of people have asked me "what is it about her?" and honestly I don't know, It's that fact that she is amazing in almost every way possible. She beautiful and one hell of strong person. I don't know. I probably am the only one who thinks this. I am sure, VERY sure that she don't feel the same way about me. But why do I?
I spent most of the day with her and she napped and it didnt matter to me, I was just happy she wanted to see me and the fact that she missed me enough to want to hang out with me.. This weekend I am going to go stay with Tym and John and I am taking Alix with me. I am excited I guess. But at the same times I am scared because I don't know if my feelings are going to keep growing deeper or if they are going to vanish. But I doubt they are going to vanish for a while but I know they are going to keep growing.
*Sigh* I miss her
But I shouldn't miss her this way
Fuck, why? Why does this not scare me? Why?
I know I am alone with this, I know Alix don't feel the same as I do, which is fine. But god I do love her. Yes I admitt it I love her. I love her very much and more.
Wednesday, March 3, 2010
Monday, March 1, 2010
I Miss You, McDonalds and Friends
Ha, So I was going to post this blog last night but I was very tired and fell asleep.
So, Friday it was pretty chill. I stayed home all night and Tym and John came over and we hung around and listened to music and talked and went riding around Flint. I gotta admitt that driving around Flint at night is pretty relaxing. But we were hanging around and then Jason and Sarah came over and we all just sat around and we ordered pizza and Jason and Sarah got Wendys and sooner or later everyone went home and I went to sleep because I had a pre-concert festival for choir the next day.
Saturday I woke up at 7 feeling really tired but I couldn't sleep anymore. I went into my brother's room and he was awake sitting with my sister on his bed and I went over and sat on the couch and talked to them and asking why they were up so early in the morning. They couldn't sleep either. Which sucked for me because I really wanted to go to sleep again. But I stayed up and then eventually went back to sleep around 10:3o and then slept until 1:30 and then I had to get up and shower up so I can get ready for my choir festival bullshit. It was from 3 to 6 and I am in an all girls choir and we have a pretty good sounding choir but our choir director is the biggest douchbag ever. I seriously dislike him with all my might. But We did good during practice and then during the performance and we fucked up really bad then we stopped the song and started again where we left off. It was discouraging. But all I have to say is that it was the biggest waste of 3 hours. But before I left to go to the pre concert festival I texted Alix and we talked and then she asked me to stay the night. I have to admitt I have been missing Alix a lot lately and it was pretty cool she wanted me to stay the night. So after the drastic performance I went over to Alix's and it was funny, EVERYONE was in the living room watching tv. Haha. I reminded me of Leave It To Beaver, Michigan edition. But I sat down next to Alix and she was painting her nails and her parents got up and her sister played mario kart, and Alix and I started talking. We talked about stuff that was going on with her and we got on the topic of her friend Hannah and to be honest I have never ever talked to Alix about Hannah before so it was kind of nice hear something about her. I am not going to say what we talked about but for some reason it made me happy and sad talking about it. Mainly because I found out that hey Alix still cares about me A LOT and the sad part is that it made me realize that the feelings I have had for Alix were still there because this whole past week I have been trying to avoid thinking about my feelings for Alix but its kind of hard because honestly I think about her all the time, and miss her all the damn time. But we talked and went on a walk through the snow and I slipped on ice and hurt my knee, god I am a dork ass. After our walk we sat on her back patio and talked for a while and while we were doing that Alix's dad was walking around and he walked past the window...well this is what happened
So, Friday it was pretty chill. I stayed home all night and Tym and John came over and we hung around and listened to music and talked and went riding around Flint. I gotta admitt that driving around Flint at night is pretty relaxing. But we were hanging around and then Jason and Sarah came over and we all just sat around and we ordered pizza and Jason and Sarah got Wendys and sooner or later everyone went home and I went to sleep because I had a pre-concert festival for choir the next day.
Saturday I woke up at 7 feeling really tired but I couldn't sleep anymore. I went into my brother's room and he was awake sitting with my sister on his bed and I went over and sat on the couch and talked to them and asking why they were up so early in the morning. They couldn't sleep either. Which sucked for me because I really wanted to go to sleep again. But I stayed up and then eventually went back to sleep around 10:3o and then slept until 1:30 and then I had to get up and shower up so I can get ready for my choir festival bullshit. It was from 3 to 6 and I am in an all girls choir and we have a pretty good sounding choir but our choir director is the biggest douchbag ever. I seriously dislike him with all my might. But We did good during practice and then during the performance and we fucked up really bad then we stopped the song and started again where we left off. It was discouraging. But all I have to say is that it was the biggest waste of 3 hours. But before I left to go to the pre concert festival I texted Alix and we talked and then she asked me to stay the night. I have to admitt I have been missing Alix a lot lately and it was pretty cool she wanted me to stay the night. So after the drastic performance I went over to Alix's and it was funny, EVERYONE was in the living room watching tv. Haha. I reminded me of Leave It To Beaver, Michigan edition. But I sat down next to Alix and she was painting her nails and her parents got up and her sister played mario kart, and Alix and I started talking. We talked about stuff that was going on with her and we got on the topic of her friend Hannah and to be honest I have never ever talked to Alix about Hannah before so it was kind of nice hear something about her. I am not going to say what we talked about but for some reason it made me happy and sad talking about it. Mainly because I found out that hey Alix still cares about me A LOT and the sad part is that it made me realize that the feelings I have had for Alix were still there because this whole past week I have been trying to avoid thinking about my feelings for Alix but its kind of hard because honestly I think about her all the time, and miss her all the damn time. But we talked and went on a walk through the snow and I slipped on ice and hurt my knee, god I am a dork ass. After our walk we sat on her back patio and talked for a while and while we were doing that Alix's dad was walking around and he walked past the window...well this is what happened
"Dude, I think my dad is up"-Alix
"Naw I don't hear anything"-Me
"Are you sure?"-Alix
"Yeah"-Me
*looks down at the ground and then looks up*
"And there is your father!"-Me
"Now is the time to panic"-Alix
Believe me it was a lot funnier in person. Haha but rest of the night was filled with RuPaul reality show with the drag queens. It's like America's Next Drag Queen. We also talked more and more about stuff and I pretty much figured out that me and Alix stand on the same page. We wish we could be together but we can't. Ain't that but a bitch.
Sunday was fun, but yet so uneventful but also enjoyable. Alix and I sat up at McDonalds in Howell where Nina works from 1 til 7:45. Yeah, I know that is a long ass time. But it was fun. Me and Alix listened to music, looked on the internet and laughed our asses off. It was definately a good way to spend a sunday. Specially when you get along with the person. I have to admitt the entire time I was Alix she told me many times that she missed me and that she misses me, and honestly I miss her too, more than she can understand really. I think about her alot specially during the week, because school is boring and so you sit and think and daydream all day. It just makes me feel like I am not alone in the I want you but I can't have you because of the drama senerio.
But its monday and my day was good, saw some good friends. Got to see Alix and Nina, hang with Tym and John and Katie and Travis stopped by. It's been a good day.
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