Friday, July 2, 2010


I haven't blogged in a while. I have been busy with just life in general.
Update...Life is WHOA! right now. But I am happy.

I graduated high school WITH honors. I am proud of myself as the rest of everyone. At my school 2 days before graduation we have this big day in which the ENTIRE student body, parents and teachers get together in the gym and watch the seniors and remember good times in the past. You also have to choose who you're walk with down the aisle when you enter the gym and naturally I walked with my twin brother and the entire gym went ape shit when me and my brother walked in I never heard craziness like that before. It made my leaving high school better.

Graduation came and went and a few weeks later it was my open house. It was good. I got pretty drunk and everything went fine until my 2 friends got into a drunken fist fight and well needless to say It was a big crazy fiasco and friendships were broken, relationships were ended and there was a lot of confessions through it all. I wished I could go into detail but I don't think my friends would enjoy there lives told.

I got a job. I work at good ole' Mcdonalds am I stoked about it. Yeah kinda but not really. I like my childhood freedoms. But my dad said I needed to get a job and so I did what any good kid would do, I did what he said. I start very soon.

So on the girls end. I stopped talking to Alix and I did it because I needed to fix things that were going wrong in my life. She was one of the reasons and she wasn't one of the bad reason she just was a good thing that I couldn't have and it drove me insane so that's why I walked away. I talked to her recently and she said she wants to be with me again and I don't know how to approach it. I don't know. Then there is Lydia. She is a young girl who I have had a crush on for a while and well needless to say I started talking to her finally and I REALLY like her a lot. She makes me happy and I don't want to lose her out of my life EVER. She is gone for most of the summer and I miss her like crazy. Then there is Tori. Tori isn't my new girlfriend she just a friend that I like a lot and I don't know how to approach that. I have a lot in my head but I really don't feel like talking much about it.

So I am not going to college in the fall. I am going to work for a year and figure life out but I promise that I will go. I promise, promise, promise to go to college. I want to be successful and I am not going to stop from trying to be.

But I promise to start blogging more. When I can. Peace.

Wednesday, May 12, 2010

I am okay

Okay, I'm sorry I haven't blogged in forever. I've just been so busy with school, friends, girls and life.

So, update on school, I am leaving in 10 days. Seniors get out of school early. I got to do my senior project, which is a long presentation about myself and bullshit like that. I honestly think that they should make us do the senior presentation freshmen year because this project is based on getting to know you as a person, well why would they make us do it when we are leaving and graduating? why do they want to get to know us when we leave? its like telling someone "Hello" when actually you're saying "Goodbye" I don't know maybe I see things differently. I have my college orientation next Wednesday. I am stoked as hell. I don't know how I am going to take college but reguardless I am excited. To be honest I am happy the year is ending but when I think about the people that have came into my life this year and me leaving, it makes me sad. I mean I am in an all girl choir and I am a soprano 2 and we have 9 of us in the section and we are all really good friends and I love all of them and I hope to stay friends with every single one of them and I am the only senior and our pops concert is coming up and its like the last HURRAH! concert before the seniors leave. Well needless to say I am going to cry. I am going to cry at class day when all the seniors come to school and we have a huge assembly in front of parents and the underclassmen and I am going to cry at graduation because I will see the girls in choir, the friends I have in band, the last time I will probably see some people. I mean honestly the class of 2010 is splitting up and going our own routes on life. Some of the people that I have known ever since I was 5 will be leaving and I will probably never see them again. Bottom line I am excited to have a change of life.

Friends update. So Tym and John moved in with me. I like that they live with me because they are very easy to live with. I've gotten a lot closer to Tym and I am glad because I've been wanting to get close to Tym for a long time. Jason's birthday is today. He is 18, Finally!. Jason and I have gotten really close. I hang out with him everday. He really has because someone very special to me, he considers me one of his bestest friends now and I feel the same way. Needless to say me and Jason are set because we've known eachother for 8 years and we've work hard to get where we are. He's just been helping me through a lot. Katie and I aren't as good of friends as we use to be. I am not gonna talk details, but it kinda sucks cause I always thought I was gonna be the one to fuck up our friendship but I guess i proved myself wrong. I still love Katie as a person and a friend but I've taken a lot of emotional blows lately and she has been apart of them. It's gonna take me a minute to soak up the changes but I will adapt, I always do. Molly and Max are becoming two pretty frequent people in my life latly. Max I am hanging with more and I am beginning to really understand Max and really starting to respect him so much. Molly I am hanging with more on a one on one time. It's pretty cool, I find that I can talk to Molly and she listens. I love it. I got someone I know I can be open with. Michelle, well Michelle is amazing everyday of her life and the only thing that has changed with me and her is that I love her more. Sarah and I are becoming more like friends and less like aquaintances. I am glad. I also have made A lot of underclassmen friends. They have become some of the best people I have ever met. I don't want to leave because I will miss them.

Girls...Well, I have been busy. Alix and I are more like friends who are in love with eachother but refuse to go out with eachother. I love Alix still, very much. But I am to the point to where I worry about Aix and what she does with herself. But I am not gonna get jealous over if she dates other people cause I am sure she has she just didn't want to tell me. I am talking to my friend Dust and I like her but I cannot date her. I don't think it's a great idea. I am talking to this other girl named Alex and she is cute, outgoing, chill as hell and she makes me fell like flying. Then there is Hope. I've liked Hope for the longest time. To be honest if I could date anyone, It would be her.

Life, well I got my car and a license. I am getting a job. I am growing up and learning that I am not as bad as I thought I was

Wednesday, March 3, 2010

Fine, I Love You

"And with a girl as sweet as you, there is not much I cannot do, But for fall for you"-Never Shout Never, Hummingbird

Ok, so you know when I wrote that blog and said that me and Alix broke up and that I won't be typing any more blogs about me and Alix? well I lied and I know Alix doesn't read my blogs so I am saying this without fear.

I am falling in love with her. Well I am in love with Alix. DAMMIT. I can't she is my friends. But it's like I feel so happy and so complete feeling when she is around me. I don't know what has happened with my emotions. I am suppose to surpress these wants and needs to admitt that YES! I do have feelings for Alix still. A LOT of people have asked me "what is it about her?" and honestly I don't know, It's that fact that she is amazing in almost every way possible. She beautiful and one hell of strong person. I don't know. I probably am the only one who thinks this. I am sure, VERY sure that she don't feel the same way about me. But why do I?

I spent most of the day with her and she napped and it didnt matter to me, I was just happy she wanted to see me and the fact that she missed me enough to want to hang out with me.. This weekend I am going to go stay with Tym and John and I am taking Alix with me. I am excited I guess. But at the same times I am scared because I don't know if my feelings are going to keep growing deeper or if they are going to vanish. But I doubt they are going to vanish for a while but I know they are going to keep growing.

*Sigh* I miss her
But I shouldn't miss her this way

Fuck, why? Why does this not scare me? Why?
I know I am alone with this, I know Alix don't feel the same as I do, which is fine. But god I do love her. Yes I admitt it I love her. I love her very much and more.

Monday, March 1, 2010

I Miss You, McDonalds and Friends

Ha, So I was going to post this blog last night but I was very tired and fell asleep.

So, Friday it was pretty chill. I stayed home all night and Tym and John came over and we hung around and listened to music and talked and went riding around Flint. I gotta admitt that driving around Flint at night is pretty relaxing. But we were hanging around and then Jason and Sarah came over and we all just sat around and we ordered pizza and Jason and Sarah got Wendys and sooner or later everyone went home and I went to sleep because I had a pre-concert festival for choir the next day.

Saturday I woke up at 7 feeling really tired but I couldn't sleep anymore. I went into my brother's room and he was awake sitting with my sister on his bed and I went over and sat on the couch and talked to them and asking why they were up so early in the morning. They couldn't sleep either. Which sucked for me because I really wanted to go to sleep again. But I stayed up and then eventually went back to sleep around 10:3o and then slept until 1:30 and then I had to get up and shower up so I can get ready for my choir festival bullshit. It was from 3 to 6 and I am in an all girls choir and we have a pretty good sounding choir but our choir director is the biggest douchbag ever. I seriously dislike him with all my might. But We did good during practice and then during the performance and we fucked up really bad then we stopped the song and started again where we left off. It was discouraging. But all I have to say is that it was the biggest waste of 3 hours. But before I left to go to the pre concert festival I texted Alix and we talked and then she asked me to stay the night. I have to admitt I have been missing Alix a lot lately and it was pretty cool she wanted me to stay the night. So after the drastic performance I went over to Alix's and it was funny, EVERYONE was in the living room watching tv. Haha. I reminded me of Leave It To Beaver, Michigan edition. But I sat down next to Alix and she was painting her nails and her parents got up and her sister played mario kart, and Alix and I started talking. We talked about stuff that was going on with her and we got on the topic of her friend Hannah and to be honest I have never ever talked to Alix about Hannah before so it was kind of nice hear something about her. I am not going to say what we talked about but for some reason it made me happy and sad talking about it. Mainly because I found out that hey Alix still cares about me A LOT and the sad part is that it made me realize that the feelings I have had for Alix were still there because this whole past week I have been trying to avoid thinking about my feelings for Alix but its kind of hard because honestly I think about her all the time, and miss her all the damn time. But we talked and went on a walk through the snow and I slipped on ice and hurt my knee, god I am a dork ass. After our walk we sat on her back patio and talked for a while and while we were doing that Alix's dad was walking around and he walked past the window...well this is what happened

"Dude, I think my dad is up"-Alix
"Naw I don't hear anything"-Me
"Are you sure?"-Alix
*looks down at the ground and then looks up*
"And there is your father!"-Me
"Now is the time to panic"-Alix
Believe me it was a lot funnier in person. Haha but rest of the night was filled with RuPaul reality show with the drag queens. It's like America's Next Drag Queen. We also talked more and more about stuff and I pretty much figured out that me and Alix stand on the same page. We wish we could be together but we can't. Ain't that but a bitch.
Sunday was fun, but yet so uneventful but also enjoyable. Alix and I sat up at McDonalds in Howell where Nina works from 1 til 7:45. Yeah, I know that is a long ass time. But it was fun. Me and Alix listened to music, looked on the internet and laughed our asses off. It was definately a good way to spend a sunday. Specially when you get along with the person. I have to admitt the entire time I was Alix she told me many times that she missed me and that she misses me, and honestly I miss her too, more than she can understand really. I think about her alot specially during the week, because school is boring and so you sit and think and daydream all day. It just makes me feel like I am not alone in the I want you but I can't have you because of the drama senerio.
But its monday and my day was good, saw some good friends. Got to see Alix and Nina, hang with Tym and John and Katie and Travis stopped by. It's been a good day.

Wednesday, February 24, 2010

What a Whirl

So this past week has been pretty much cool as shit.

Monday we had yet another snow day because of the massives of amounts of ice and snow. Which was pretty cool because that meant that I had a 4 day weekend because I skipped out on Friday because I needed a break. But I ended hanging with Max, Paul, Molly and Jason. But before Molly came over, Max, Jason, Paul and I went up to Weston and played in the playground. It was crazy because there was at last 7 inches of snow covering the ground and there was no path to walk on so we all stan at the entrance of the gate and all of a sudden all 4 of us just start booking it in the snow getting our socks and shoes filled and soak with snow. Now personally I kept thinking "Holy shit, I have smoker lungs, I can't do this" then I realized that I was doing fine and that I felt great (I have realized running is such a great stress reliever). We sprint to this HUGE-MONSTEROUS metal structure with bridge, fireman pole, little random steering wheels, 4 slides and some monkey bars on it. So climb on this playground structure and we see the slides and 1 set of slides are 3 connect and Paul and Max started saying how those slides make there sides hurt because they are really narrow, then out of nowhere Jason goes "Guys go down that slide" and me and Paul were like hell no and then Max just kind of shook his head no and then Jason went down the slide. I kind of wished he would of just down the slide without having to ask any of us cause he ended up going down it anyways and it would of saved me, Paul and Max from looking like pussies. But Jason the entire time was saying dude I'll do it and its not gonna be that bad and he went down it and he was like "guys! that was a pretty chill ride you would like it" and so Max then Paul and I go down the slide indivually. It was funny I use to LOVE the swirly slides when I was younger, I am shocked I denied going down the slide to begin with. Then we all get to bottom and agreed it was a good ride. haha. But like a few minutes later we climb up this huge playground structure and Max goes over to the random steering wheels that playgrounds have and Max was like "what the fuck? why do playground companies put these on here. The playground doesnt look like a rocket or a car why should it have steering wheels?" and we all started laughing and agreed that yeah it is severely random that there are random steering wheels on playgrounds haha. But we all decided to pretend to be on a rocket and me and jason were the navigation center, Max was the commander center and Paul walked back and forth on the brige like the bald guy from Star Trek who does nothing but looks important and...well here is a quote by qoute of what happened.....

sometimes you just gotta pretend you’re aboard a spaceship.
“What’s our ETA for that ship?” -Max
“What’s an ETA?”- Jason
“Estimated time of arrival.”- Max
“OH! about 5 miliseconds…we’re going to hit them.”-Jason
”Speed ahead!”-Max
“It’s on our windshield.”-Jason
“Wipe it!”-Max
Yeah, it happened. But the night ended good. Tym, John, Molly, Max and Jason came over and we sat around and chilled for a while and chatted it up.
Tuesday- I had a half day and I had a good fast day, mainly for the self inducing of uppers. But it was fun. Nice quick day. Then I came home and took a nap and got up and went to dinner with my Uncle Tom, sister and brother. Then came home and called Tym and John to come over and then soon it became that everyone came over. Max, Molly, Jason, Tym and John and it was rather amazing to finish to nights in a row with my friends just sitting around having good conversation. I wished people now a days would actually talk to eachother for once, instead of texting, phone or computer. I wished people more often would sit down on the porch, a room or at the dinner table or anywhere else and talk and talk about whatever you want. I mean I think its more personal and more knowlegable of what you can learn by talking face to face. But I don't know I like to have good conversation and I am glad that I have friends that I can sit and talk to and not have to worry about anything.
Then today at school was really good. I got all my absent homework turned in and done and got to 3rd hour art and sat with Kaylee, Brianna and Sayde and bullshitted and laughed our asses off. Then 5th hour my choir teacher had no voice so it was good to not have to hear his annoying nerdy voice for once and then I finished the day and came home and watch Cold Case and then randomly Alix called me today. It shocked the shit outta of me that she called, It was a good shock not a bad shock. But It was nice to hear from her. Cause yesterday for some reason I missd her a lot. I mean I am fine we are broken up and I my feelings are starting to lessen, but I miss hanging out with her. I really do. She fun and I consider her one of my best friends.But we talked for a minute then she had to get off, she said she would call me back but in Alix talk that means I'll call you in 5 hours or not at all. But thats fine it cool to hear from her. Then Katie and Travis came over and we all sat around and hung out and I found out that Katie and my EX-GIRLFRIEND Johnna (who I dated for 3 years of my life) hooked up a few days ago. I mean I don't really care its't think that would hppen. But whatever do what you gotta do, Katie and Johnna don't listen to me anyways. But I went to mall with Katie, Travis, Paul and my niece Madison.
Alls I know is I am loving spending so much time with my friends. I mean me and Max are becoming more like friends instead of just two people in the same friend group. I actually consider Max someone I would gladly stand behind whenever he needs something. Also Molly to, I am seeing more and more that I love hanging with her and just chillen and talkinga and not really doing nothing important just being cool. But needless to say I feel my relationships with all my friend strenghtening. Which is nice. It's always nice to improve.

Monday, February 22, 2010

Bizarred to Being Enlightened

Ha, so today I had yet another snow day. It was good to wake up at 10 this morning and stretch my arms in peace.

Last night was really cool, I was laying in bed at about 9:30 (the usual time I go to sleep) and in walks Katie and Travis. Now Katie and Travis use to work for the tigers and they left me here in Flint all alone without them but I am glad to have them both back here. Travis came back about 3 months ago and Katie has been home for a only a few days but I didn't really understand how much I missed having them in my life all the time until they left and came home. But they both came into my room and I was watching Tool Academy and they both grabbed a part of my bed and made a home and we all layed there and talked and laughed. At one point Katie was laying there and she said "I missed this" and that made me realize like hey I missed this too. I like being able to have friends that I can sit and talk to without having the obligation of doing something that involves spending money or entertaining eachother. Just people who can lay in my bed and call it good enough fun for them. Eventually I drifted off to sleep and they left. I knew they would understand that I am still in school and going to bed early is a must in my life still.

The past couple days I have come to understand just how much I really do love my friends because I mean it seems that no matter what I do or how badly I have messed in present and the past I am always going to have my back bone of friends around. I mean some of my best friends I have known for a long time and only a few of my best friends I have only been with for a short amount of time but, people like Jason, Molly, Michelle, Tym and Katie who have been around in my life along time are the ones who have always stuck by me and my newer best friends like Max, John, John(Tym's bf), Travis and now Alix are the friends that I hope stick around for a long long long time because you can never have to many best friends and you can never give to much love.

So last night I had some bizarre but enlightening dreams. Well the first one was one of the those vauge types of dreams that only last for maybe 30 seconds before you wake up and it started out that I heard my sisters phone go off and for those who dont know I use my sister cell phone probably more than she does, I text my friends more than she does and well I heard it go off and for some reason I knew it was for me so I walked up to it and it was a text from Alix and I open and it read "I Love You Babe" and then I closed the phone and thats when I woke up. Now all dreams have a meaning but what the hell type of meaning is that, ever since me and alix broke up I talk to her for maybe 15 minutes and call it good cause she has her own life and I dont want to bombared her with texts and the fact that I had a dream like that was bizarre.

Well to my more enlightening dream. Ok so there is this girl I sit with in my art class and she is funny and sweet and very cool to sit an hour with and talk to. Well I had a dream I was sitting in art class next to her and she was smiling at me and I felt the smile growing on my face and I don't have any feelings for her at all but in my dream when she was smiling at me I could feel my heart racing like I had feelings for her. In my dream she was telling me a story about how her and her boyfriend broke up because she is tired of him calling her names and making her feel like shit all the time and the entire time I am listening intently and doing my work and then she stops her story and goes "we should hang out this weekend" and I looked up at her and she was still smiling at me and I could feel butterflies in my stomach and I said "sure that would be fun."
Now to clarify again I don't have a crush on this girl but for some reason I keep thinking that maybe in the near future I might. To be honest that kind of scares me in a crazy way.

Sunday, February 21, 2010

Improve it

HA, Ok updating now. This past weekend was boring but brought a lot of changes.
I didn't go to school on friday because I finally found a good escuse to miss a day of school without being sick. I know thats bad. But hey I have only missed one other day this year and I am an all A student so there is no harm in that.

Thursday Katie came home. Katie is my other friend who worked and traveled with the tigers (like travis) and she came home finally. It was a nice to see her and holy shit I didn't realize how much I missed her until I saw her standing in my bedroom doorway. HAHA. I pretty much ambushed her with the biggest hug ever. But Thursday went from seeing a good friend to being very angry. But I will not go into why I was angry. But what I will tell you is that it resulted into me and Alix breaking up for good.

But, me and her are still friends. She sees me as one of her best friends, which was good to find out. To be honest I see her the same way. I'm not depressed that we are broken up, I am not sad and nor am I angry. I am completly happy with it because of the fact that Alix went from being someone who wasn't permanent in my life to being someone more permanent because she is my now my friend. I see friends as more permanent than girlfriends so Alix went from being temporary to being more permanent. Which is good because she is a good person to surround myself around.

So, Basically you guys wont be reading anymore blogs about my relationship with Alix because HA it doesn't exsist anymore. Now I am going to talk about my adventures and experiences I have with all my friends.

But as of finding a new relationship any time soon. I don't know. I like being happy by myself and I know I can be because shit I have always been happy by myself but finding a new relationship I am not sure it that is a possiblitly. It may but maybe not. I guess I got to see what happens or who I meet.

But alls I know is I have to tweek the list I made in Mr. Hall's class (My English Teacher) on the 20 things I do and don't want in a person. But thats the thing about life. If something fails and it doesn't kill you....improve it.