Ha, Sorry its been since last weekend since I have blogged. I have been alittle busy.
Sunday- I got up early before everyone and I smoked a cigarette and I felt ok but I was just really full of anxiety and not to mention I was tired But I spent the whole night wakng up and going back to sleep. So I watched tv for a while and then I thought ok I will text Alix. Well I did and she was stranded in Howell and had been sitting there since 6:30 in the morning so she called me and we talked about some of the shit that had been happening and I have to admit it felt nice to hear her voice. I mean the night before when she broke up with m
e I knew she did it because she needed time to think and I knew that she didn't care any less. That is probably the one thing I will always be sure about when it comes to Alix, she cares about me. Then after a while we got off the phone and then Jason, Max, Molly and Sarah woke up and left. So Alix came over after being stranded in howell and she was obviously upset about alot of things so she sat dow on my bed and even though we werent dating and she wasnt my girlfriend, I still felt compelled to comfort her like I was her girlfriend. So I did just that. I hugged and helded and let her cry on my shoulder and tried my best to make her smile because even though I wasn't happy, I still wanted to make her happy. I guess thats where my friends say I am wrong when it comes to Alix. They always say that I am to selfless when it comes to Alix and I am because yeah to be honest even though our relationship has been kind of rocky I feel myself more and more falling for her. I know its not good to fall for someone youre in a rocky relationship with but at the same its not me and Alix making the reationship rocky. But I succeeded in making her smile and making her feel better. Alix left after while and when she was on the road to home she called and said that I made her feel a lot better. I am glad that I did because I am not going to lie even though I am secure in my relationship with Alix, I like hearing that I actually do good things for her and that I have the ability to make her happy even when she isnt and that I actually can help her. Talking to her on the phone made me realize that me and Alix can have a solid relationship when other people arent instigating drama. It makes me happy and also very sad to think about because yeah even though I am falling for Alix and I do tell her that I miss her when she isn't around and how much she means to me because more and more everyday she becomes someone that I grow to care for so much, It makes me sad because I always wonder, does Alix feel the same way? I mean she isn't ;acking girlfriend wise but at the same time I am someone who always thinks that I am never good enough. But I dont know I am just beginning to realize how full filled I am ever since I have met her. I am starting to realize that she means the world and more to me. She makes me happy and like she said on Sunday when she came over. I make her happy and that she wouldnt kno what she would do if she hadnt met me. It felt nice hear it because it always lifts my spirits to know that I actually do something good for someone. But sometimes I wished that I could get Alix to not be so afraid to come to me. I have told her time and time again that I am alway going to be on her side and that she can be dead wrong but I will always be there. I just wished she trusted that. I dont know maybe latly I am beginning to understand how much I appreciate Alix and how much indeed I am falling for her. I just hope I am not the only one. So back to the story. Alix called me and said I made her feel better and then she asked if i would be her girlfriend again and of coarse I said "Omg Gladly." Then everyone came back over and we were sitting chillen and Alix came over to see me again for a second and even though she was surrounded by people she didnt like she still sat there with me and spent time with me. That ment so much to the point to were I couldnt stop hugging her. haha we hugged it out for a while before she left. After she left I layed on the couch and watched the new Tool Academy and Alix called me just to say goodnight to me and I am not going to lie that made me feel so happy, cause I missed her alot and the fact that she was the voice I got to hear before I went to bed made me the happiest.
This past weekend I had a 3 day weekend on account of president's day. Which is nice but I seriously don't think the president should get a day of his own. Non in the past and the present deserve it. Maybe presidents like Teddy Roosevelt, George Washington and Abraham Lincoln but thats about it.
But this past weekend was okay. More good days than bad.
Friday-I went and got Alix and we spent some time with eachother. I have to say it was nice to just spend some alone time with her because me and her have to almost dig a hole in the ground to be alone. But it was fun. Me and her got very drunk. But it was really fun. My tolerance is extremely low compared to the summer time. Me and Alix finished a fifth and we were both drunk, very drunk. It was nice though to let lose cause I had been very stressed out for about a week and a half and it was relaxing to get drunk with my girlfriend and not care about anything. Needless to say after Friday I woke up with a hang over, extremely sore and satisfied. haha
Saturday-I slept most of the day but later on in the night my best friends Max, Molly, and Jason came over and w
e all hung around and chilled. Everything was going good, We were all making chicken tacos and talking in my kitchen when I hear my house phone ring and I answer it asuming it was going to be for my dad but it was for me and the voice on the other end wasn't familiar to me at all and they told me that Alix was cheating on me and that she has a picture of another girl that isnt me on her myspace that says "The Girlfriend" and to be honest I was kind of put off by it because I didn't believe it because I have a lot of trust for Alix. What put me off was the fact that someone has the nerve to call me and start drama. The person wouldnt tell me who they were and they wouldn't let me call Alix and tell her about it. So eventually I hung up. But alittle background noise, Alix got her old myspace hacked so I kind of knew that it wasn't true because it was her old myspace they were describing to me but I felt that I had to tell Alix about this because Hello! its about her. So I call her and tell her and she was already stressed as it was and I knew it and I felt bad for having to lay this on her but the thing is people were causing problems and she had no idea. So I call her and I am very nervous because something in my head told me that when I tell Alix about this, that she was going to break up with me because me and Alix have alot of non self inflicted drama in our relationship, Like if me and Alix didn't always have people talking shit we would be a match made in heaven. So I called her and she sounded very down but I told her everything. Then she got off the phone with me and then called me back and said "I don't think we should be together" and when she said that my heart dropped because I knew that this was going to happen. So Alix and I talked it out and we agreed she was going to get what she wanted and we were going to break up. But I have to admit. I have been dating Alix just alittle over a month and my feelings for her are completly unconditional and completly true. I mean I pretty much am in love with her (I haven't told her yet) and so of coarse this made me extremely upset and yeah I am going to admit that even though we agreed to be friends I cried alittle because I felt like I was being punished for other peoples consequences...I felt like fucken Jesus being nailed to the cross for other peoples sins and all the while I didn't care about myself I was actually more or less crying because I was upset that yet again Alix has deal with so much bullshit. I don't get it. Why do people find talking shit and starting drama so much fun? So the rest of the night I spent shielding my urges to cry and be sad. I slept restless too.
e all hung around and chilled. Everything was going good, We were all making chicken tacos and talking in my kitchen when I hear my house phone ring and I answer it asuming it was going to be for my dad but it was for me and the voice on the other end wasn't familiar to me at all and they told me that Alix was cheating on me and that she has a picture of another girl that isnt me on her myspace that says "The Girlfriend" and to be honest I was kind of put off by it because I didn't believe it because I have a lot of trust for Alix. What put me off was the fact that someone has the nerve to call me and start drama. The person wouldnt tell me who they were and they wouldn't let me call Alix and tell her about it. So eventually I hung up. But alittle background noise, Alix got her old myspace hacked so I kind of knew that it wasn't true because it was her old myspace they were describing to me but I felt that I had to tell Alix about this because Hello! its about her. So I call her and tell her and she was already stressed as it was and I knew it and I felt bad for having to lay this on her but the thing is people were causing problems and she had no idea. So I call her and I am very nervous because something in my head told me that when I tell Alix about this, that she was going to break up with me because me and Alix have alot of non self inflicted drama in our relationship, Like if me and Alix didn't always have people talking shit we would be a match made in heaven. So I called her and she sounded very down but I told her everything. Then she got off the phone with me and then called me back and said "I don't think we should be together" and when she said that my heart dropped because I knew that this was going to happen. So Alix and I talked it out and we agreed she was going to get what she wanted and we were going to break up. But I have to admit. I have been dating Alix just alittle over a month and my feelings for her are completly unconditional and completly true. I mean I pretty much am in love with her (I haven't told her yet) and so of coarse this made me extremely upset and yeah I am going to admit that even though we agreed to be friends I cried alittle because I felt like I was being punished for other peoples consequences...I felt like fucken Jesus being nailed to the cross for other peoples sins and all the while I didn't care about myself I was actually more or less crying because I was upset that yet again Alix has deal with so much bullshit. I don't get it. Why do people find talking shit and starting drama so much fun? So the rest of the night I spent shielding my urges to cry and be sad. I slept restless too.Sunday- I got up early before everyone and I smoked a cigarette and I felt ok but I was just really full of anxiety and not to mention I was tired But I spent the whole night wakng up and going back to sleep. So I watched tv for a while and then I thought ok I will text Alix. Well I did and she was stranded in Howell and had been sitting there since 6:30 in the morning so she called me and we talked about some of the shit that had been happening and I have to admit it felt nice to hear her voice. I mean the night before when she broke up with m
e I knew she did it because she needed time to think and I knew that she didn't care any less. That is probably the one thing I will always be sure about when it comes to Alix, she cares about me. Then after a while we got off the phone and then Jason, Max, Molly and Sarah woke up and left. So Alix came over after being stranded in howell and she was obviously upset about alot of things so she sat dow on my bed and even though we werent dating and she wasnt my girlfriend, I still felt compelled to comfort her like I was her girlfriend. So I did just that. I hugged and helded and let her cry on my shoulder and tried my best to make her smile because even though I wasn't happy, I still wanted to make her happy. I guess thats where my friends say I am wrong when it comes to Alix. They always say that I am to selfless when it comes to Alix and I am because yeah to be honest even though our relationship has been kind of rocky I feel myself more and more falling for her. I know its not good to fall for someone youre in a rocky relationship with but at the same its not me and Alix making the reationship rocky. But I succeeded in making her smile and making her feel better. Alix left after while and when she was on the road to home she called and said that I made her feel a lot better. I am glad that I did because I am not going to lie even though I am secure in my relationship with Alix, I like hearing that I actually do good things for her and that I have the ability to make her happy even when she isnt and that I actually can help her. Talking to her on the phone made me realize that me and Alix can have a solid relationship when other people arent instigating drama. It makes me happy and also very sad to think about because yeah even though I am falling for Alix and I do tell her that I miss her when she isn't around and how much she means to me because more and more everyday she becomes someone that I grow to care for so much, It makes me sad because I always wonder, does Alix feel the same way? I mean she isn't ;acking girlfriend wise but at the same time I am someone who always thinks that I am never good enough. But I dont know I am just beginning to realize how full filled I am ever since I have met her. I am starting to realize that she means the world and more to me. She makes me happy and like she said on Sunday when she came over. I make her happy and that she wouldnt kno what she would do if she hadnt met me. It felt nice hear it because it always lifts my spirits to know that I actually do something good for someone. But sometimes I wished that I could get Alix to not be so afraid to come to me. I have told her time and time again that I am alway going to be on her side and that she can be dead wrong but I will always be there. I just wished she trusted that. I dont know maybe latly I am beginning to understand how much I appreciate Alix and how much indeed I am falling for her. I just hope I am not the only one. So back to the story. Alix called me and said I made her feel better and then she asked if i would be her girlfriend again and of coarse I said "Omg Gladly." Then everyone came back over and we were sitting chillen and Alix came over to see me again for a second and even though she was surrounded by people she didnt like she still sat there with me and spent time with me. That ment so much to the point to were I couldnt stop hugging her. haha we hugged it out for a while before she left. After she left I layed on the couch and watched the new Tool Academy and Alix called me just to say goodnight to me and I am not going to lie that made me feel so happy, cause I missed her alot and the fact that she was the voice I got to hear before I went to bed made me the happiest.Monday- It was good day so far, I slept, saw Alix for a second and I kind of made her mad because I am dumb and forget myself sometimes. I hope she doesnt hate me forever....
but It is late and I have school in the morning..Goodnight.
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